


london bridge is falling down

by offenDead



Series: a series of embarrassing events [1]
Category: ATEEZ (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Non-Famous, Crack, F/F, boobs, chaotic n disaster lesbians, omg yungi aren't in here again i'm sorry my sons, yeosang disaster gay
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-26
Updated: 2020-01-26
Packaged: 2021-02-27 14:41:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,928
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22418671
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/offenDead/pseuds/offenDead
Summary: except the bridge is yeosang and the water beneath is jongho's VERY well-endowed chest
Relationships: Choi Jongho/Kang Yeosang
Series: a series of embarrassing events [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1613377
Comments: 11
Kudos: 100





	london bridge is falling down

**Author's Note:**

> this is a Mistake but guess what YEET jongsang for y'all bitchasses
> 
> i'm sorry to everyone in advance if u wanna yell at me on twt @/viktorikat

Yeosang honestly believes that something was out to get here today, because everything has been shitty from her waking up late to her lectures to tripping over her own feet in the middle of a crowded hall. 

Not forgetting the fiasco at lunch where she accidentally said no to a passing professor when she greeted Yeosang a good day. She had never walked away so fast in her entire life.

Overall, Yeosang was having a shitty day and she can't wait to hang out with her friends at the skatepark, but first, she has to stop by the cafe to pick up her daily dose of caffeine. 

Her board tucked under her arm, she enters the cafe, hoping against all odds that the world was done with messing with her for today.

Of course, she should have known better.

Her purchase was uneventful, lulling her into a false sense of calm as she thanked the barista and headed out, sighing in relief as she places her board down and gets ready to push off and head towards the skatepark.

Then, out of fucking _nowhere_ , the single most prettiest girl Yeosang has ever seen pops out from around the corner.

Now Yeosang was a simple lesbian. She sees pretty girls, she immediately shuts down like a Windows computer. 

So now here's the problem, Yeosang has managed to push off, her board rolling lazily along the pathway and pretty girl is busy rummaging around in her bag. As was said earlier, Yeosang has shut down. She's just watching herself roll closer and closer towards the still distracted girl, her brain screaming at her to _move, you stupid bitch stop staring at the pretty girl!_

And in true disaster gay fashion, Yeosang _doesn't_ move.

But maybe the girl was some kind of otherworldly princess, because Yeosang's board conveniently catches on a crack in the pavement and she goes tumbling to the ground, her coffee flying and soaking her sweater, just barely missing the pretty girl who has now stopped to stare at her in surprise.

Yeah, the world really was out to get Yeosang today.

"Oh my god, are you okay?" The girl asks, and Yeosang thanks her past self for wearing pants today. "You're soaked!"

"I'm good." Wow, the girl's hair is tied up with a pretty pink bow that matches her pleated skirt. She's really pretty and Yeosang is _very_ gay. 

The girl helps her sit up, brandishing a lace handkerchief and wiping Yeosang down before pulling out a few wet wipes and wiping Yeosang down again.

"I'm so sorry I can't do anything about your sweater." Pretty girl murmurs, pouting. What the fuck, how can anyone be this _pretty_? "I should have been paying more attention to where I was going."

"No, really, it's ok." Yeosang says, standing up and offering a hand to the girl. "I should have been paying attention too. I'm Yeosang, by the way."

"Jongho," the girl replies, taking her hand and standing up, carefully patting down her skirt. "At least let me buy you another coffee? I'll feel worse if I just let you go now."

Oh, _fuck yeah_ , coffee with a pretty girl like Jongho? Who was Yeosang to pass that offer up?

"If you insist." She says, her heart swooning when Jongho breaks out into a wide smile, tucking a stray strand of dirty blond hair behind her ear.

God, Jongho just can't be real. 

"Don't worry about the price, I'm using my unnie's money because she's too lazy to come out of her studio to buy her tea herself." Jongho says as they enter the cafe once more. "Order anything you want."

"Won't your unnie get mad at you for spending her money?"

"Nah, Hongjoong unnie is a big softy, she can never get mad at me."

The two of them chatter for a while as they wait for their orders, Yeosang ordering the exact same drink while Jongho orders a sweet tea for her unnie and a black tea for herself.

"I'm a first year theatre major." Jongho tells Yeosang, playing with the sleeves of her pastel blue jumper. "Everything's still a little hectic, because it's my first time being away from home, you know? It's a good thing I have Hongjoong and San unnie to help me settle in."

"Well, if you ever need help, don't hesitate to call me or something." Yeosang mumbles, blushing. What the hell was she gonna do? She's am IT major, not an arts major. 

Jongho beams, another brilliant smile growing on her lips.

"Unnie, you're so nice." She says, giggling behind her hands. "Wanna exchange Kakao IDs?"

Later, after they've said goodbye and Yeosang is finally on her way to the skate park, she texts Wooyoung just so she can watch her best friend yell.

———

> **yousung**
> 
> _guess who just got a cute girl's number_
> 
> **woobie**
> 
> _WHAT_  
>  _YEO WHAT THE FUCK_  
>  _HELLO?????_  
>  _YEOSANG COME BACK_  
>  _EXPLAIN YOUR TEXT OMFG_  
>  _DISLDISODKKSKFIWIFISFSUFUKSKFI_

———

Usually Yeosang wasn't the first one who reached out. She's inherently shy, and more often than not comes off as cold as she tries to awkwardly get to know the person so they can move past the small talk and straight to calling each other bitch endearingly.

That said, Yeosang will infinitely be thankful that Jongho jumps past the awkward acquaintance part and straight into the friends area.

"So you're telling me you're about to hang out," Wooyoung started slowly, a hand brushing back short lilac hair. "With the girl you have had a crush on for the past five days. _Alone_."

"Why are you talking like that?"

"It's to add to the atmosphere, Yeo."

They're currently in Yeosang's room, half of her closet strewn about the place. She's never put so much effort into an outfit before, most of the time just throwing on the first thing she sees and hoping that they'll look good together.

But she can't do that to Jongho. She's on a mission to impress her after all, and she can't do that looking like a slob.

"There's no atmosphere, Woo. Stop being an idiot and help me pick an outfit already." Yeosang huffs, crossing her arms as she frowns down at her clothes.

"Half your wardrobe screams e-girl and the other half screams _nerd_."

"Shut your face, woman. Stop trying to judge my taste in clothes."

"All I'm saying is maybe you need to go shop for new ones." Wooyoung says, grimacing at a worn black shirt. "You can't wear leather to the first date, you'll scare the poor girl away."

"It's not a date." Yeosang hisses, snatching the shirt back. 

"With the way you're obsessing over what to wear, it's kinda a date."

"I should have asked Seonghwa to help me, at least she'll actually give me suggestions."

In the end, Yeosang had settled for a cream coloured jumper, tucking it into a pair of jeans and wearing a choker, just to spite Wooyoung who had screamed at her when she picked the necklace up.

She's at the mall early, standing awkwardly by the entrance as she waited for Jongho to arrive. The younger girl had texted her that she was nearly there and that she was sorry for making Yeosang wait, to which Yeosang reassured her that she didn't mind at all.

Especially when Jongho looked like _that_.

She's got on a peach dress shirt, the first two buttons left open, the shirt carefully tucked into a white leather miniskirt. Her hair is up in an intricate braid, tiny little flower pins holding the braid up.

She's gorgeous, but that's not what got Yeosang panicking yet again.

Jongho's chest was _huge_. Yeosang never considered herself a boob kind of girl, she's never been interested in how big her ex's chests were, but _holy shit_. Jongho. Big boobs. Yeosang doesn't even get what's so fascinating about them, they just are, okay?

Oh god, she's been staring at Jongho's chest. That's creepy, she should stop doing that. 

She doesn't. 

Someone slap her, she's out of control.

"Unnie? What's wrong?" She hears Jongho ask, the younger girl stopping in front of her. Oh my god, they're right up in Yeosang's space. _Abort, abort._

"Uh, your boobs are huge." Yeosang blurts, a hand smacking her mouth immediately afterwards in horror.

She can hear her inner Seonghwa voice screaming at her, and honestly she deserves that.

"Oh." Jongho says, looking down at her chest. "Yeah. They're a nuisance sometimes, but they're soft so that's cool."

The two of them stand there awkwardly for a few moments, unsure of what to say. God, this was why Yeosang isn't allowed to do shit on her own.

"I'm so sorry." She says after a few more minutes of silence. "It's just. Your boo–I mean, chest. Huge. Uh, yeah. Sorry."

Jongho giggles, and thank god she doesn't look as offended as Yeosang had feared.

"It's cool. People always comment on my chest, somewhere along the lines of what you just said. Except some of them aren't as nicely worded. It makes me weirdly insecure, so I'm sorry for just freezing up and going silent earlier."

"Hey, no it's ok. I shouldn't have said anything. I was just surprised." Yeosang says, cheeks burning. "And for what it's worth, I think you have a lovely chest."

"Unnie, you're so weird." Jongho laughs, the tension bleeding out of her. "But thanks? It's not everyday a pretty girl compliments my bust size."

Yeosang can hear the cogs in her brain stop, before going on overdrive as Jongho's words finally sink in.

_She said I'm pretty!!!! Holy shit the pretty girl thinks I'm pretty!!!!! Oh my go–_

"Do you wanna help me shop for clothes?" Yeosang says, resolutely ignoring the still screaming part of her brain. "I'm in desperate need of new outfits just so I can get my best friend off my back about only wearing black."

"Well, black really would look good on you." Jongho comments. "But really, unnie, with a face like yours I'm sure even a simple shirt and some jeans would make you look stunning. But don't worry, I'll find you the best outfits ever, just you wait!"

Yeosang barely manages to hold in the scream that tried to claw out her throat as Jongho shyly takes her hand and pulls her towards the entrance of the mall.

———

> **yousung**
> 
> _JONGHO HELD MY FUCKIG HAND AND CALLED ME PRETTY SKEEUEJXJAOCISOOXX_
> 
> **woobie**
> 
> _get the fuck out of here with that shit stop reminding me I'm painfully single bitch_
> 
> **yousung**
> 
> _also send help I told her that her boobs were huge n now I just want the earth to swallow me up_
> 
> **woobie**
> 
> _sounds like a you problem_
> 
> **yousung**
> 
> _fuck you too_

———

"I can't believe our Yeosang is finally an accomplished lesbian." Seonghwa sniffs, wiping an imaginary tear away. "I wish I had my own pastel girlfriend."

"Maybe if you didn't look like you are constantly about to beat someone up, you'd find one." Yeosang deadpans, yelping when the older girl kicks her in the leg. "What the hell! Don't take out your frustration on me!"

"Then stop making fun of me! You know I can't control my face, it's not my fault people think I'm constantly mad!"

"I'm calling this right now," Yeosang grumbles around the straw of her bubble tea. "You're girlfriend is gonna be the angriest tiny bean on this planet and be the bite to your bark or something."

"Oh man, I wish. Is giving me a girlfriend really that hard that you of all people gets one first?"

"What the fuck does that even mean?" Yeosang asks, before waving her hand dismissively. "Well whatever. What I want to know is how I can keep my dumb mouth shut long enough to woo Jongho into dating me."

"What did you even say to her that's got you this determined? Last I checked you didn't give a shit about what you said." Seonghwa says, raising a brow.

"I told her that her boobs were huge."

"Oh. Well, shit, I guess. But hey, at least you're gonna get a big tiddy girlfriend. Remember back when you were a weeb and you wouldn't shut up about burying your face–"

",i>I need you to shut the fuck up immediately, unnie." Yeosang hisses, cheeks burning as she hides it behind her hands, letting out a low groan at the memory. "Oh my god, I want to deck myself in the face, why would I even _say_ that?"

Seonghwa just laugh at her, because the older girl is a menace upon society and feeds off the suffering of her friends.

"Stop laughing at me and help me!"

"Yeosang unnie?"

The voice jolts the two of them out of their bubble, the two of them turning to see Jongho approaching them.

"Unnie! Hi! You're wearing the clothes we bought last week! It really does suit you, I'm glad we found it."

Yeosang looks down at herself. One of the outfits they picked up was just a pair of black jeans, a white turtleneck and a denim jacket, but she has to admit that she did look good in it, so she smiles up at Jongho and makes to stand up.

And because the world is shit, Yeosang should have known it would get her back for making that cursed face in tiddies comment, because the next thing she knows is that she somehow managed to bang her knee on the table while getting up, making her wheeze and double over in pain.

And you know, conveniently doubling over right into Jongho's chest.

She can hear Seonghwa burst into laughter while she freezes, willing the ground to open up and swallow her whole already so she can finally go back to hell where she can scream in agony as much as she wants.

"Unnie," Jongho murmurs, and this is the moment she's going to push Yeosang away and Yeosang is never _ever_ gonna get that big tiddy girlfriend agenda. "I didn't know you liked my chest that much."

Well.

That was a different reaction than the one she was anticipating.

"It's ok, I understand." Jongho continues, patting Yeosang's head,as if comforting her. "We all can't have big boobs. I'm sorry you're jealous, but you really shouldn't shove your face into people's boobs in public like that, it could give them ideas."

Seonghwa is basically howling now, and Yeosang flinches away at Jongho's words, mouth gaping as she tries to say something, _anything_ , but only manages to look like a fish out of water.

The younger girl laughs, her eyes turning into crescents, and Yeosang forgets how to form words for an entirely different reason.

"I don't want big boobs," she starts, watching as Jongho tilts her head, smiling at her. What the fuck, how does the younger girl expect Yeosang to reply when she's look at her like _that_? "I just want your boobs. On my face. Or something."

She thinks she hears Seonghwa murmur an "Oh, Yeosang you disaster gay."

"That's a little too fast now, don't you think?" Jongho replies. "Take me out on a date first, unnie, then we'll see about my chest being on your face."

Yeosang laughs, scratching the back of her head as Jongho waves goodbye.

It's not until later does she blink and really thinks about the younger girl's words.

"Wait, was she serious?"

"Oh, Yeosang."

———

> **strap on squad**
> 
> **HAG**
> 
> _guess who fulfilled her face boobie agenda_
> 
> **woobie**
> 
> _Yeosang istg stop being an accomplished lesbian_
> 
> **yousung**
> 
> _jealousy is a disease get well soon whore xoxo_
> 
> **woobie**
> 
> _THIS IS WHY NOBODY LIKES YOU SKSJSKSKSKSK_
> 
> **yousung**
> 
> _false Jongho seems to like me enough_
> 
> **HAG**
> 
> _I mean, she let your face rest on her boobs, that has to count for Something_

———

> **soft hours**
> 
> **pouty bae**
> 
> _Hongjoong unnie this hard to get facade is inconvenient why can't I just tell her I want her to bang pow wow me already_
> 
> **big tiddy**
> 
> _stop being hrny in the soft gc_
> 
> **pouty bae**
> 
> _not until you let me just tell Yeosang to rearrange my organs_  
>  _this coy soft baby agenda is going against my Yeosang bang me pls agenda_
> 
> **mount(ain) me uwu**
> 
> _and u say I'm the hrny one here smfh_
> 
> **big tiddy**
> 
> _shut up furry_  
>  _and honestly go for it Jongho idc anymore_
> 
> **pouty bae**
> 
> _FINALLY_

———

> **baby**
> 
> _does Sannie unnie remember I'm ace and that I'm just joking_
> 
> **tiny unnie**
> 
> _have mercy on her all that's in her head is girls and air_

———

Yeosang chokes on her coffee, coughing a few times as she stares at Jongho wide eyed.

"Excuse me?"

"Okay, so." Jongho starts again. "I've had the biggest gay crush on you since _forever_. Please date me. The benefits of dating me is that I'm cute and I have big boobs."

When the younger girl had asked her to hang out, she'd expected another round of them walking around the mall, holding hands and giggling to each other.

Not this.

To be fair, Yeosang isn't really complaining.

"Seriously?" She asks, still a little shocked. "I'm, I thought, well I didn't really think, but I wasn't expecting this at all."

"Well, valid because I don't know how to word my feelings or even show them. But like, unnie. I let you face plant into my chest and _stay_ there, that should have at least told you something."

"Oh it told me a lot of things, alright." Yeosang mumbled. "Mostly about how gay I am and how much I'd like to do it again."

Jongho grinned spreading her hands in a sort of _voilà_ motion.

"You can do that for free if you stop beating around the bush and be my girlfriend already."

"But what about the first date?" Yeosang whimpers, which would have gotten her so much shit if Wooyoung and Seonghwa were present. Thankfully they're not, but the person next to them looks strangely like Wooyoung's current dance project partner so she's not safe just yet.

Jongho pouts, and good lord that pout has to be a weapon of mass destruction with how _devastated_ Yeosang feels after she sees it.

"Fine." Jongho concedes, still pouting. "One date, and then you're gonna ask me to be your girlfriend and we can finally be gay and disgusting."

"Nice."

"Also, just so you know, Hongjoong and San unnie want to meet you."

" _Fuck_."

———

The thing with Jongho's friends is that they're _also_ ridiculously pretty. Yeosang still only has eyes for the younger girl, but his tiny gay heart almost implodes at the realisation that _oh my god, I'm surrounded by pretty girls._

"Jongho, where the hell did you pick Yeosang up from?" San asks, her hair tied up into a messy bun. She's wearing a sleeveless flower print dress that kind of makes Yeosang want to cry because she looks so soft in it. "Damn it, I want a pretty girlfriend too this isn't _fair_."

She sounds exactly like Wooyoung, maybe Yeosang should introduce them so that they can whine about being single together.

"Maybe if you actually showed up to the blind date I set you up on you'd have a girlfriend by now." Hongjoong mutters, sighing as she crosses her arms.

Which is kinda bad because chest. Also huge. Oh god, are they _bigger_ than Jongho's? Why did Yeosang decide looking was a good idea, oh my god, they look like they're about to pop out of her pink lacy top. Look away, you useless gay, Yeosang thinks as she drags her eyes up to Hongjoong's face and instead focuses on the sunflower bands on the older girl's pigtails.

Hongjoong has freckles. It's devastating.

"Yeah, well, I'm good to meet you." Yeosang stutters, screaming internally. "I mean, it's nice to meet you."

"You don't have to be so nervous, Yeosang." Hongjoong laughs. "We just wanted to meet you because Jongho literally doesn't shut up about you."

"Fuck you guys, you're just jealous Yeosang is my skater girlfriend and not yours." Jongho says, latching onto Yeosang's arm and sticking her tongue out at the other two.

_Jongho's chest!!!!!! Against her arm!!!!!_

"Disgusting." San says, sneering at Jongho. "What did Yeosang ever see in a gremlin like _you_?"

"My boobs and my charming personality."

"Please." Yeosang whines, hanging her head. "Can we please let go of the boobs incident."

"It's your defining feature now, Yeosang. I'm sorry, but it's going to stick with you for the rest of your life now." Hongjoong says, barely holding in her laugh. "Did you know Jongho can do push ups with me on her back and carry both San and I like we weigh nothing? Because I think you should know that."

The sound that escapes Yeosang's mouth is akin to the sound of a dying cat.

Now her brain wasn't only plagued with thoughts of Jongho's generous chest suffocating her, there's the added bonus of Jongho throwing her around like a ragdoll.

That's cool, she thinks as she closes her eyes and tries not to have a breakdown because her soon to be girlfriend is hot.

———

> **jjongie !**
> 
> _unnie I know we said to wait until after the first date, but I just want you to know I'm wearing my prettiest set of lingerie and thinking about u uwu_  
>  _not like that tho, I just really like thinking about u_
> 
> **sangie !!**
> 
> _KFIWIOFOWOIFJOSOCOOSOCOEOGFKSXJOWKFKEIIFIEIU_  
>  _BABY SHVSKHBWVKJBWVHK_
> 
> **jjongie !**
> 
> _I look pretty uwu_  
>  _but I have a revelation_
> 
> **sangie !!**
> 
> _are u about to sacrifice me to the lesbian overlord_
> 
> **jjongie !**
> 
> _tf no we just became gfs_  
>  _it's just that I'm ace n the farthest we'll probably go is cuddling n kisses aha_
> 
> **sangie !!**
> 
> _wtf_  
>  _bitch_  
>  _r u trying to say that so I'll break the gf link_  
>  _bcoz uh no shut up come here n get this Big Smooch_
> 
> **jjongie !**
> 
> _!!!!_  
>  _mwah_
> 
> **sangie !!**  
>  _excuse me for a second_

———

> **woobie**
> 
> _u good there Yeo_
> 
> **yousung**
> 
> _JONGJO LINGERIE_  
>  _JONGHO MWAH_
> 
> **woobie**
> 
> _oh hell no I'm not staying for this bye lmao_

———

> **sangie !!**
> 
> _so_  
>  _I don't think I'm patient enough to wait until after the first date_
> 
> **jjongie !**
> 
> _cool_  
>  _so u coming over or what_
> 
> **sangie !!**
> 
> _omw_
> 
> **jjongie !**
> 
> _hurry up I want cuddles and kisses!!!_
> 
> **sangie !!**
> 
> _cuddles n kisses on their way uwu_
> 
> **jjongie !**
> 
> _uwu_

  


———

> **tiny unnie**
> 
> _ARE YOU REALLY GONNA FUCK WITH ME STILL IN THE FUCKING HOUSE_  
>  _ISTG Y'ALL A WARNING WOULD HAVE BEEN APPRECIATED_  
>  _oh my god was that a moan_  
>  _I hope y'all choke on a strap xoxo_

———

> **strap on squad**
> 
> **yousung**
> 
> _SUFFOCATION BY BOOBS IS THE BEST WAY TO GO_
> 
> **HAG has kicked yousung out of the group chat**

———

"They kicked me out of the fucking group chat oh my god." Yeosang wailed, sitting up and spamming Wooyoung's messages.

"I told you sending that message wasn't the best thing to do." Jongho replied, staring up at her girlfriend from under the covers. 

"They're just jealous I got a girlfriend first." 

"That girlfriend is about to be very mad if you don't come back here and give her the cuddles she was promised."

Yeosang dramatically sighs, placing her phone down on the bedside table and snuggling against Jongho once more, resting her cheek against the nape of the younger girl's neck.

"Do you think they're ever gonna figure out we're just joking?" She asks.

"I hope not. Hongjoong unnie would best our asses black and blue once she realises we just faked having sex so we can have the apartment to ourselves."

"Wait doesn't your unnie know you're asexual?"

"...fuck."

———

> **tiny unnie**
> 
> _wayament_  
>  _oh you cheeky bastards_  
>  _you better hope the next train is late bcoz once I get home it's over for y'all_


End file.
